Deathly Complaint
by TMI
Summary: Sirius and James are arguing over who died better... obviously James! He was protecting his family from a dark lord. And in James' words, Sirius was 'offed by a girl' But would it be considered that James had a better opportunity? Utterly humor. Oneshot


"I'm sorry Padfoot, but that was one of the stupidest deaths I've ever seen."

Sirius scowled at James, crossing his arms in a huff. "Well, sorry Prongsie, but not all of us can go out in a blaze of glory protecting our family from a dark lord," he retorted. "There aren't enough dark lords to go round."

James smirked. "I did die better than you, didn't I?" he remarked, pretending to fan himself.

Sirius actually growled, only causing James' smirk to grow more. "You had a better opportunity! I was protecting your son while fighting my crazy arse of a relative!" he protested. "Voldemort came waltzing right up to your door!"

"But your death was just plain pathetic," James replied casually, "Bellatrix fired, you yelled 'missed me!', she fired again, hit you, and boom! You're dead."

"I didn't think she would retaliate so quickly, okay?" Sirius muttered. "Old bat is getting unpredictable in her yonder years."

"But she still hit you," James pointed out smugly.

"Shut it, Prongs! I dodged her first curse!" Sirius growled.

"And got slammed by the second," James finished helpfully.

Sirius huffed, narrowing his eyes at his best friend. "I said to shut your stupid mouth," he reminded James, curling his hand into a fist.

"Padfoot got offed by a girl!" James sang, ignoring the threatening body language Sirius was very visibly displaying. After all, a glare and two raised fists is a bad sign anywhere, even in the realm of the dead. But James Potter is also still James Potter anywhere, even in the realm of the dead, and he was still as confident as ever.

"Prongs, I swear I will find a way to kill you a second time if you don't shut your trap right now," Sirius promised, gritting his teeth.

"You've probably scarred my son for life," James exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Sirius. "Can you imagine watching your godfather die in such a lame way?"

"Well, you died way before me! I survived longer!" Sirius retorted, not pausing to think through how weak of a comeback that was. He was grasping at straws here- he hadn't had to verbally spar with someone since James himself had died. Frankly, he was out of practice.

"My death was cooler though. I was protecting Harry and Lily," James argued, waving his hands around for emphasis. "Like you said, blaze of glory!"

"I died protecting Harry too!" Sirius protested.

"Well, I died protecting Harry before you!" James shot back.

"That's 'cause your his damn father!"

"I can't believe it," a new voice cut in, sounding incredulous. "You're fighting over who died better. This is a new low."

The speaker appeared next to James, rolling her green eyes in exasperation. "Seriously? You boys are pathetic," Lily declared.

"You know you love me, Lilykins," Sirius replied immediately. "Frankly, I've no idea why you married James when I was still single."

"I'm just better looking than you, Padfoot," James yawned. He grinned suddenly, pointing down at the cloudy image of the mortal world depicted beneath the deceased trio. "Look at Harry, Lily!" James nudged his wife. "Aren't you so proud of him? He's battling death eaters like he was born doing it!" James was grinning eat to ear, immensely proud of his son.

Lily gazed down at Harry, a tear slipping from one eye. "He practically was born battling death eaters," she murmured sadly. "I hope he'll be okay. My poor baby!" She watched as Harry struck down another death eater with a stunning spell.

"He's busy avenging my death, Lily, be quiet," Sirius reprimanded, staring avidly down at the scene. "Go, Harry, go!" He twisted around in his seat to yell at a passing soul. "That's my godson! Harry Potter!" Sirius declared proudly. The soul stopped, gave him a single baleful look, and continued on its way. Sirius was unruffled by this treatment, continuing to cheer on Harry as he fought.

"This is not a quidditch match, Sirius!" Lily snapped, reaching around her husband to shove him. "My son's life is in danger!"

Sirius kept his eyes on Harry. "Lily, I already told you that Harry is perfectly capable fighter," he reminded the worried mother. "He told me he wants to be an auror after Hogwarts."

"Duck, Harry!" James yelped, wincing as he watched the fight continue on. As if he could hear his father, Harry ducked, then shot a returning curse at his attacker. "Atta boy!"

"James!" Lily rebuked, elbowing the other marauder. "Don't do that! This isn't a game!"

"I'm just encouraging the boy, Lils, lighten up," James replied, not tearing his eyes away from Harry.

"Why are you two so insensitive?" Lily demanded, throwing up her hands in defeat. "I can't believe you! First you argue about whose death was cooler, and now you're treating my son's war like a bloody game? Would you be serious about this for once?"

James and Sirius instantly looked up from the fight, their gazes locked on Lily. She shifted under the weight of their stares, one gray and one hazel, feeling slightly intimidated. Lily refused to show this intimidation to her companions though, and drew herself up haughtily instead. "What?" she snapped.

"Lily, you don't understand," James began, so quietly and seriously that Lily almost felt ashamed of her treatment towards him. "Sirius and I can't treat it seriously. We would go nuts in moments with the stress of not being able to help Harry when he needs us."

"And you know as well as anyone that Sirius is an extremely unfitting name for me," Sirius added, his lips twisting in a sardonic little half smile. "I had enough trouble not being able to help Harry when I was alive. It's even worse now that I'm dead, Lily."

Lily looked down at her hands, more tears pricking at her eyes as she attempted to calm down. Even after over a decade and a half of death, she never quite got used to seeing her son and being helpless to go to him. When her sister's family treated him so horribly, when he got his first wand, when he went to Hogwarts, when he faced Voldemort over and over- Lily wished so much to simply swoop down and give him a hug, the mother's love he so deserved. She was already eternally indebted to a certain Mrs. Weasley for caring for Harry in her stead- Lily had promised to herself to thank the lady upon her own entrance into the realm of death.

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered finally, furiously blinking away her tears.

A familiar arm encircled her shoulders, softly cupping her chin and pulling it upwards. Lily's gaze was met with hazel eyes, bright and loving behind black rimmed glasses. "Hey," James said softly, pulling Lily to him, "What's there to be sorry about? Look down."

Lily obeyed, looking back down at the mortal realms. Her son smiled back at her, his wand raised high in triumph.

"Thank you, James," Lily whispered, pressing her head into his shoulder.

There was silence for a moment as the three proud adults gazed down at Harry.

Then, predictably, someone had to ruin the moment.

"Whatever you say, I still died better than you."

"Prongs, you suck."

**This is just a little fic that stemmed from my personal complaints about Sirius' death. In my opinion, JK Rowling was jealous of Sirius and wanted to off him to make herself feel better. He had the lamest death ever for a character as amazing as he was! }=( I was not pleased.**

**Lol, well, review please! tell me if you were annoyed by Sirius' death too!**

**~TMI~**


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